Shock & Awe...Well...Not Really...

First off I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while. My home computer exploded a while ago and I haven't had a moment (until now) to post from work. So I'm sorry worms that I haven't responded to your tag. I promise I will do it as soon as I get a chance.

Well now for the update...As you know our IVF cycle was canceled and converted to and IUI cycle in the beginning of September. Well I wasn't really hopeful that it was going to work and in a case like this I HATE being right!!!

I was completely prepared that it wasn't going to work. I had settled into that wonderful mind set where I had already moved on to the next cycle. I was getting geared up and ready. And then the UNTHINKABLE happened. And I know this is too much info but...My breasts started to hurt. Could be PMS but could mean...something else?? Then I felt exhausted all the time....And nauseous....And then the worst of all...I suddenly had hope. That horrible nasty little word. I am normally a very hopeful person. I can see the bright side in most situations. But a good case of infertility cure that rather quickly. Well...On Sunday I went in for my bloodwork in a really cheerful mood. THIS COULD BE IT!!!

Well...It wasn't "IT". Why didn't I just stay in that blissfully ignorant place where their was no hope?!?!? Sunday afternoon went from a full schedule of chores to a really bad meal, my first beer in a month and a half and a two and a half hour nap. I just wanted the day to be over. My husband was very supportive but he reacts to this stuff differently. When he is upset or stressed he putters around the house and cleans...He says that even if he is dwelling on a subject at least the house is clean...hahaha. I on the other hand would have to hang myself if I puttered and cleaned. That would just make me focus on what I was upset about. I need to nap in order to make the day go by faster and watch hours of mindless tv. Guilty pleasures are perfect on a day like this. MTV and VH1 are usually the biggest suppliers of shows like these. But they should be watch only in an emergency!!! Other wise you increase the chance of addiction to these shows and remember...Watching these shows use up blocks of time that you will NEVER GET BACK!!! Watch at your own risk!!!

So what next....Well Mark and I have decided to take this month off from IVF and take a needed break. We have our WTF appt with our doctor in early October so we can get our game plan set. Otherwise...I'm ready for a nice deep breath and a month of taking care of my self to prepare for the next cycle. Some massage... Acupuncture...And a lot of YOGA!!!

Hope you are all doing well!!!

Well...This one is a bust! Well...Sort of...

The words "NOT FAIR" just don't sum it up correctly.

Our IVF cycle was canceled today.

I have been on Gonal-F (Stimulation Meds) since Monday. I was worried for the longest time that we would go through IVF and I would produce too many eggs. Mark & Christine plus 8!!! Well...I couldn't have been more wrong. After a week of Gonal-F I have a grand total of...Drum Roll Please....TWO Follicles!!! TWO!!!! I received a call from the doctor's office that they had decided to stop this cycle and convert it to a IUI cycle. We go in tomorrow.

With our history(and our bodies) the chances of this working are slim. I'm trying to be as hopeful as possible but...I'm CRUSHED!!!! I was in my car on my way home from the dentist when the doctor's office called. I held it together while I talked to Kathy but as soon as I got off of the phone I fell apart. I screamed so loud I scared myself. Why does this have to be so hard????

Who knows...It could work!?!?! But I have already started gearing my self up for the next cycle. I think that preparing my self for this cycle to fail is the only way I will survive it. Mark is being wonderful...I just hope I'm doing enough for him. I can tell he's bummed. I know some how we'll get through this and have the family we dreamed of. But until then....THIS JUST SUCKS!!!