And I was doing so well.....

Ok...It has been a couple of days since this happened but I'm still amazed how insensitive people can be. The really hard part is that the person who said this to me is ONE OF US!! She has been going through fertility treatments for a year and knows all about what my husband and I have gone through. I know I have been on Lupron for a week and that will make me more sensitive but this still felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.

I was at a birthday party on Saturday for a friend of ours. The birthday boy and his wife have been going through treatments but were on a supposed break over the past few months while they were in the process of purchasing a house. Well after all the "Surprise" screams the wife came over to myself and two other friends. She proceeded to rub her belly and have a huge smile on her face staring right at me. My first thought was that they had started treatment up again and was feeling bloated. Boy was I wrong!! She was smiling and saying that she was 3 months pregnant. She looked at me...rubbed my shoulder and said "You'll get there soon!". That stupid, condescending look that you get when you are the maid of honor in a wedding and people look at you with their head tilted and say "You'll be next!"

I swear to you I couldn't breath. I smiled and hugged her with a big congratulations and I am really happy for them...They have been struggling. But I know If the tables were turned I would have told her earlier in the week or at least when we were alone. Not in front of 40 of our closest friends. This is actually something we had talked about. We both knew how hard it would have been on the other person if one of us had been pregnant first which is what I figured would have happened. One of us was going to be the one who was pregnant first. I'm ok with that part but not how she handled it.

I proceeded to hunt down my husband to see if he knew about her pregnancy and he said he had just found out too. When he had seen the look on my face he realized how shocked and upset I was. He chose that moment to inform me (I guess so I wouldn't be so shocked) that another one of our friends was pregnant. I think he figured if I had forewarning I wouldn't be as upset. But I still hadn't recovered from the first shock. I had to walk very quickly to the ladies room in order to not fall apart in front of 40 other people.

I'm still feeling like I have been through the ringer. I'm better but this is going to take some time to recover. I'm not sure what I will say to her the next time I see her. I am happy for them...I just don't think she handled the situation the right way.

Happy Birthday to me??? Sort of???

Yesterday was my 36th birthday. Yes...This means I'm the closer to forty than I have ever been and I'm on the down slope of my 30's. It feels strange.

It made me think back to my 30th birthday. I remember my 30th birthday very well!!! It was technically the day of my first date with my husband (I say technically because we had been friends for so long that I didn't know it was actually a date. I had no clue he was even interested. He he still gives me a hard time about that. Even yesterday when he took me out for dinner...hehehaha)

Well the rest is history with Mark and I but something interesting dawned on me when I woke up that morning many hours before our fateful date over a few Margaritas. I woke up with the realization that I could quite possibly be married & pregnant with in the next 5 years!!! I had no clue who the father would be (Mark and I didn't admit until days later that we were actually interested in each other so I wasn't betting on him at the time.) but I realized that next 5 years would be monumental in my life. And I could not have been more right. Mark and I were married in 2005 and my life with him has been wonderful. Except for one huge detail. My prediction of a baby in 5 years was not meant to be. Even months before my 36th birthday I was holding out hope that I would at least be pregnant by the time I was 36. But due to my body not cooperating (Laparoscopy in June) and the start of my first IVF cycle starting in mid August I knew my prediction would not come to pass.

Am I sad? Some what. But I'm actually pretty good. I had given up the idea of being a young mother years ago. But starting out (hopefully) as a mother at 36 when my mother finished having her 5th child at 34 is somewhat a punch in the stomach. Who knew this would be the way things turned out?

I'm hoping that this first IVF cycle will be my last and I won't be posting something similar on my 37th birthday. Good God!!!

Who knew I was that interesting?!?!

I received a call from the IVF clinic last week and was very excited to find that my husband is not the only one who finds me interesting :)

They are doing a case study on IVF and stress and they have chosen me as one of the test subjects. At first I wasn't sure I was interested in adding one more thing to my plate but when they explained that there would be benefits to participating I continued to listen.

The test subjects are split up into two groups:

Group# 1 will receive certificates for massage

Group# 2 will be enrolled into a 10 week mind/body program which teaches you how to deal with stress in order to improve your chances of conceiving.

At first I was REALLY interested in Group# 1...FREE MASSAGE!!! SIGN ME UP!!! But the more I thought about it, learning de-stressing techniques would help me in my every day life and could possibly help me conceive. You know that old saying "Give a man a fish and he will eat today...Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime!" I'm sure I could stand to learn a few tricks.

Well after filling out mountains of paperwork and a number of surveys along with a phone interview with the program's therapist to decide if I was of sound mind (they actually asked me if I had ever been diagnosed with a personality disorder...If I have fits of rage to where I throw things...It's like they have never met any one who has been on CLOMID?!?!?!) I have been chosen for the MIND/BODY group. I'm very excited!!!

Hopefully this will be just one more thing to help my husband and I have the family we have always dreamed of.